I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats - Francesco Marciuliano

This book counted as my challenge book of short stories.


Garfield's Poem:

Bigger Cat


I'm not fat, I'm big boned.

I'm not fat, I'm a bigger breed.

I'm not fat, it's just more hair

I'm not fat, it's just more muscle

I'm not fat, it's only winter weight

I'm not fat, it's only a trick of the eye

I'm not the reason you threw out your back

But the next time you lift me,

    do so with your knees.



Dexter's Poem:

Unbridled Love

I kneed your chest with my sharp claws

To show you my affection

I bite your arm and don't let go

To show you adoration

I walk across your throat at night

Because I want to say "Hello!"

I leap from high upon your crotch

Because I miss you so

I trip you when you walk down the stairs

So you know I'm always near

I sit on your face and block all your air

So my absence you need not fear

I show my love in so many ways

My devotion runneth over

So I don't know why when I approach

You duck and run for cover



Kitty's Poem:

Kneel Before Me

In ancient Egypt

We cats were Gods

We ruled the heavens

We reigned on earth

So kneel before me

I said come to me

Uh, listen to me

How about just a treat then?

Okay, maybe a toy

Some crumpled paper would do

I'm not picky

Well, can you at least scratch

   behind my ear?

Can you at least do that?


Oh yes

You serve your master well