1140 Initiates
50 The Order

Mallory Kellogg, Chubbygirlreads

"The only important thing in a book is the meaning that it has for you."

Reading progress update: I've read 78 out of 272 pages.

Song of the Dark Crystal #2 (Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal) - J'son M. Lee, Cory Godbey

More gorgeous pictures that make me so excited for the new Netflix series coming out soon....



Reading progress update: I've read 45 out of 272 pages.

Song of the Dark Crystal #2 (Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal) - J'son M. Lee, Cory Godbey

I forgot these books have such beautiful illustrations in them. 


Ah, finally a book I can actually get into. 


Reading progress update: I've read 0 out of 240 pages.

Cravings: Recipes for All the Food You Want to Eat - Chrissy Teigen, Adeena Sussman

Aaahhh!!!! I finally have it! I've been wanting this book for over a year! Chrissy is my girl crush.

Danny being Danny
Danny being Danny

Not feeling it...

Goddess of Light - P.C. Cast

I've been reading this for over a month, and I just cannot find momentum. So I'm just moving on. It's not a terrible story, but it isn't holding my attention. I'm feeling forced to read this, and nothing turns me off more than forcing me to do anything.

Alice in Zombieland (would definitely be the first to die)

Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

Sorry this review is late in coming, but this was a buddy read for August and I wanted no spoilers. 


So...this book...yeah....NO. JUST NO.


Ali is everything a Mary Sue can be. She's pretty in a painful Arian way. She's stupid in short-bus, first to die, trip her and save yourself ways. She has no redeeming qualities. She is also the kind of girl that falls for the abusive asshole just because he's pretty. She makes me sick.


Cole is your typical handles-everything-with-his-fists guy. He's gorgeous, of course. But you cannot pretty up this guy's insides. He's just nasty. He gets his way at school by glaring, rage and fear. Him and his posse don't even seem to know what a dress code is, wearing chains and sleeves of tattoos. And ankle monitors. Wtf? He says terrible things to people, he's bossy, and he's grabby if you attempt to walk away. He will also stick you in his car and drive you around but not tell you where you are going. Yes, folks, he's kidnappy. 


Now, the "zombies" in this book are the weirdest imagining of them I have ever come across. Soul eating ghost things that can only be seen by special snowflakes. Of course Ali is one. And of course she ends up being like and Alpha zombie hunter with uber super powers the likes of which have never been seen. 


Yet I swear she never sleeps. She should be dead. It's just not humanly possible to go that long without sleep, folks.


And with everyone in her life dying, what does Ali learn? To "live life", or in Ali speak, fuck her boyfriend, the abusive, two-faced, half-the-time-I-hate-you Cole. Her friend says she has kidney failure and the ONLY thing Ali learns is "I need to get busy with Cole because we may not have much time". Man, her priorities. Totally ignoring the fact zombies are coming out of the woodwork every night to eat her and half her loved ones are now buried. She needs to bang. God, she was sickening in her shallow one-dimensionalness. Like, Bella Swan shallow. 


The plot was lacking and stupid. The only character I liked was her terminally ill best friend. There was a guy named Frostie. Yes, that was his name. Did we ever learn his real name? No. Because that's just how stupid and juvenile this whole adventure down the rabbit hole was. In no way was this a Wonderland tale. It was a poorly written, cliche teen drama that makes The Vampire Diaries look deep. 


Ugh. I cannot believe I bought the trilogy.



This really happened.
This really happened.

Rescuing Super-Mal

Well, I don't have fevers any more. But my leg is still hurting worse now than before my surgery. Seems backwards, yeah? We figure, since the incision looks healthy, despite the drainage, that the infection is really deep inside. Which is causing swelling, I guess crushing my poor nerves again. Until the infection is brought down, I'm going to have to deal with it. It's only miserable when I need to pee because I have to stand up, and that's like lightning bolts in my right leg. :/


I would like to say thank you to everyone who is giving me such positive thoughts. Grim, you are amazing. And yes, I am in bed and resting. Lol



I got these amazing shoes for whenever I heal. A reward for not killing myself. Or dying. They came from China, and I didn't realize that when I bought them. But the quality is actually great. 


Then Bryan went to the store and brought me back a couple of things to cheer me up:



Golden Girls is my jam. Everyone close to me knows when I'm sick, I watch that show on loop. It goes back to when I was growing up, my mom and me would watch it live on Sunday night's together. One of the few really good mom memories I have. 


And Bruce "I am French" "Oden Demands Blood" Campbell. I enjoyed his first book so much, and this one is signed! When Bryan pulled this out of the bag, I squealed. Then flinched. Then squealed again.


I know he doesn't read my blog, but I want to shout out to my air force Ssgt, video gamer, lazy but loving, obsessed with his own fandoms husband. He helps me limp to the toilet. He cleans the wound without complaint (and it smells terrible, so he's a saint). He feeds me and takes our son to school and keeps the house together. See, this is all my job he's doing. We have pretty traditional roles despite our progressive views. It's just what we chose. But it never fails, when I hurt, he carries me. A lot of people don't believe in true love or soulmates or even God. I believe in all 3 because of Bryan. We met in 6th grade. We dated all through high school. We married at 19. Our first few years were financially awful, but we always had one another. It's now been 13 years. We finish each other's sentences. Sometimes we read each other's minds. When I came out as bisexual, he didn't even blink. He said he sort of already knew. "You really like boobs too much to be straight." 



I look forward to seeing what the rest of our lives together will hold. Just please, Lord, let me be out of pain by then.




Snake Oil, Mattress Mack and Team Rubicon

Sorry I've been so quiet this week. This past Friday my little monster turned 8, and I actually left the house for it. IHOP. And it turned out to be in the top 5 worst IHOP experiences I've ever had. Of course. But Jake loved it, even if my sweet cream cheese crepes had no fucking cream cheese. Then he opened all his presents, which was a bunch of Batman and Lego bedroom decor, Legos, and a shitton of books. Because he's my kid and I'm going to make sure he reads. He read all summer and excelled at the local library's program. So we bought him over $100 in chapter books. After cake, I went home and he stayed with his grandparents.


Now I'm fighting what we think is an internal infection. My incision is being a gross faucet and I keep getting a fever and chills. We thought it was withdrawals from the pain meds. Until I got a fever while on a pill. So I'm instructed to start a round of antibiotics today. I hope this helps. I was doing so well until Monday night. Then my leg started to hurt again, and the chills started up. I think the infection is swelling and pressing on my already damaged nerves. At this point my life of pain has become comical.


But let's get down to why I'm really here. Let's talk about false prophets and snake oil salesmen. Let's talk about Joel fucking Osteen.



I know a lot of you guys are agnostics or atheists. I'm a Chris-Wiccan. I come from a family of Sunday School teachers. My husband is Penticostal. I was actually born and raised Southern Baptist, which amused our pastor a few years back. "A Pentecostal married a Baptist? What was that wedding like?"  But anyway, since I know some of you don't ascribe to the Bible much, and honestly, I don't either. (It's man made and we don't know what's been left out over the centuries. Not to mention it condones a lot, A LOT, of outdated beliefs. Marrying your rapist? Hello?) So I'm going to rant here for a minute about America's favorite prosperity gospel preacher.


What is "prosperity gospel"?  In a nutshell, it's everything Jesus was against. PG teachers that by handing over your money, you will be blessed ten fold. Or a hundred fold. That by giving your money to that closeted weirdo, you will, basically, but your way into heaven. They get their Biblical ammunition from verses about "whatever you sow, so shall you reap". I know, my pastor did it every week, but he certainly never tried to convince me it would open the gates for me. PG also teaches if you're poor it's because God isn't happy with you. Seriously. 



Joel fucking Osteen is the "pastor" of Lakewood Church in Houston. If you don't know that at this point, bless you. Lakewood is in the old Compaq Center, a 17k seat arena. An ARENA. Let that sink in. His book that I know most about is "Your Best Life Now", which again, goes against Jesus' teachings. Your best life will be in heaven, not here. So to tell people how to live this great, amazing life here on Earth without shoring up blessings for the afterlife is pretty shitty. But then again, it's what people WANT to hear. They don't want to hear that to be a good Christian you have to make sacrifices and work hard. They want to hear "be a little greedy, Jesus understands". It sells books. He lives in a $10m house, owns a jet, the church makes close to $70m a year tax free (another pet peeve of mine, and I'm a believer). Oh, and he's not even an ordained minister which is why I say "pastor". He hardly ever quotes the Bible when he "preaches". He's a glorified motivational speaker. There are dozens of stories floating thru Reddit now of people working at REAL Houston charities that would be handing out meals to homeless people and Joel and his stepford wife would roll up in their Cadillac with A CAMERA CREW,  commodere the event for a full five minutes while they had their photos and videos taken, all unannounced, mind you. Then just leave. And the next Sunday they would proudly show those videos to their congregation, like they had been out there busting their asses all day long. Of course, then the collection plate gets passed.


He's, as the old term goes, a snake oil salesman. He's the Littlefinger of Houston. He is selling people golden tickets into heaven, which cannot be done.


And then Harvey happened. And Littlefinger, I mean Joel, literally locked his church and went to a rich assed Hotel in San Antonio to ride out the storm. The Convention Center filled to capacity, people died, others lost everything.  When asked to open his megachurch they responded "It's inaccessible due to flooding". Well, Mattress Mack must be fucking Moses then because he's open and taking refugees. And he's only blocks away. Then it was "the building has flooded", because yeah, we debunked your flooded roads story. So the live video of people marching all around Lakewood appeared. There were puddles. Not to mention, doing research you learn the building is called The Summit. It's the highest freaking point for miles, higher than rhe interstate even. If it has flooded, Houston is fucking lost. Oh, and The Summit was designed to NOT FLOOD. At least not to the point of significant damage. It even has fucking flood gates. 


So..... "can't get there because of water" and "water inside, not outside". Then when the videos went viral of how dry his precious building was, some members of the church (Joel) posted pics of the "flooding" to prove they weren't lying. 4 pics began to surface. 2 were of the underground parking garage, which I don't think anyone was asking to stay in. One was of a room that had already been gutted, so he's truly a man of God and found a contractor to unflood his church and get to work in...what....minutes? And the fourth was what really got me as "are you fucking for real?" It was their baptismal pool. They were literally showing us a pool of water inside the church that's SUPPOSED TO have water in it. It had gaurd rails to stepping down inside, ffs. 


I guess we literally shamed him into being a good Christian because he finally agreed to open his church as a "distribution center" and would take refugees when the rest of the shelters filled. Again, really? They were having to fly them to Dallas already and he's still not letting people into his precious sports arena. And he only made this much of a change because he eviscerated him.


Now it gets interesting...i mean, he lies more. He went on TV to claim the church was never closed and anyone that was turned away was done so by mistake. He doesn't seem to understand video evidence exists that shows the doors are clearly locked, and that three people were told to leave. AND THEN he tells us well, Houston didn't ask him to open up as a shelter. 


No, Joel, on JESUS did. It's fucking Christian 101. Help those in need. Jesus literally flipped over tables in the temple because people were gambling and profiting in a house of God. Jesus healed the sick and fed the hungry and even said to give up your possessions and walk with him. Jesus would have been out there waist deep in muddy water saving people. Joel wasn't even in the fucking city. And when shit got bad, he sent his brother to deal with it. They continued to lie. The photos the posted were proved to be from precious floods, not this one. He admits the building was never flooded. And he never STOPS FUCKING SMILING. People have died, you chucklehead. I will slap that grin off your face.



His lies hurt us all. Because when people see Christians, they see him. Or Joyce Meyer. I hate her, too. They see these rich assholes that don't do anything when push comes to shove. So then I get to hear thousands of people say insulting things about my "imaginary man in the sky". I don't insult your lack of belief, please don't insult me because I DO believe. God has done things in my life that have confirmed his existence. But, I also completely understand when someone feels that he isn't real, and I will never fault them for that. Why? Because I'm what Jesus wants us to be. I walk in love. I don't judge. 


But with Joel, there's a difference. What's that? The Bible demands we call out false prophets. And that's what I'm doing. Did you know on his fucking website they already have a link where you can donate money to help pay for the upkeep of the 300 refugees he's being forced to deal with? His church makes $70m a year! Without taxes! And he already has his hand out! There's also those saying he had no supplies so we're all stupid for being angry. No, you are for blindly following this man. Most all churches have food pantries for the homeless. A MEGAchurch will have a MEGApantry. Not to mention, ALL PEOPLE WANTED WAS A FUCKING ROOF. Was it better for them to just go back to sitting in their flooded houses, or on TOP of their houses? Because Joel didn't have canned beans?


Debunked excuse number I Lost Count: Would you want people to force strangers into YOUR house?! Answer: it AIN'T HIS HOUSE. It's God's! And the whole point of a church is to HELP THE NEEDY! Again, they don't pay taxes. Pay taxes on all that fucking money and I won't bitch at you, you goddamn greedy motherfucker. 


Debunked excuse number Whatever's next: Security, can't have another Superdome. Answer: yep, best to just let them all drown then. Fuck you.


And people are still defending this douchebag. My own friend said this was all a media hoax. Because she likes him. CBN, the Christian broadcast network, shot a piece about the "truth", because sure, that won't be biased. And they regurgitated the same excuses that have been proven lies. This isn't an attack on Christians. *I* am a Chris-Wiccan, a Christian with Wiccan beliefs. This is about stopping a toothy grinning nightmare charlatan from getting away with being a coward.



Now, since apparently I'm not allowed to hate an asshole without putting good into the world, I donated money to Team Rubicon. 




If I lived in TX I would have my doors wide open. 21 mosques did. They didn't wait on the city to ask. It doesn't take much to be a decent fucking human being. And he failed. I hope people have woken up to him. Even other Megachurch pastors were calling him out. Dude, your own kind are turning on you. Not good. 



Now that I've said my piece, I feel better. There's so much bullshit going around about him, and it's not correct. There's a lot i haven't even mentioned here, like his pay. But he is not what Jesus wanted in a disciple. He makes people like me look bad. I like to think I'm a good example of a Christian. I don't force it on anyone. I believe what I believe, and that's that. I love everyone. Most people find I'm easy to talk to because I don't immediately go to "let's pray about this". I'm sure if I always carried a collection plate i would be a lot richer with money, but nobody would like me.


Another Saturday doodle fest. 


Andre is an otter prince, the first male of his bloodline to be born with super powers. Powers are always reserved for females, and it gives him a lot of unwanted attention. He discovers he's gay when he meets and befriends Josh.


Josh is a homeless dragonite, a dragon man with the power to freeze things on contact. He meets Andre and the royal family and becomes a recruit for the Dragon Knight program, where elite dragons learn to control their powers to protect their home country. 


The bond between Andre and Josh grows as they spend more and more time together, but as Andre realizes his true sexuality he panics. He's already the center of attention for all the wrong reasons, people think he's too pretty to be taken seriously, and now he's afraid he's going to be ostracized and ridiculed. 


When Andre is outed in a brutal and vicious way, Josh is there to lift him back up. Josh admits to being in love with the prince for quite some time and pledges his own Knight loyalty to him. 


Of course this is a watered-down version. The whole story is like 25k words.

The Dragon God's Son, second edition


Today the new cover to my first book arrived. I had planned to get it sooner, back when The Naga Queen' s Heart released, but money has been tight this whole year. I was determined to have this particular cover because it uses the old cover.



I use a guy over at GoOnWrite.com to make all my book covers. And when I saw he had made a romance cover using the same ocean and moon that I used as my first cover, I knew it was exactly what I had been looking for. I had The Dragon God fully edited to fix type-o's and formatting problems, and it's now updated and live for Kindle. Paperback will be on sale in another day or two. I'm not proud of a lot in my life, but this series means so much to me. It's the culmination of my love of many religions, my respect for life and my quest for peace, both inner and outer. 



I even sat down and drew a little chibi doodle of David and Basilla. David is so full of curiosity and wonder, but Basilla is smug and self-confident. She's a queen and a Goddess, and having a needy, helpless human around is both a blessing and a bother to her.


On the recovery front, I'm up and moving better. I can t walk a lot because I get nauseous easily. But my pain is soooooo low. I'm still heavily restricted. And doped. I'm surprised I can see straight. My right leg is still numb, which makes rolling over in bed difficult. It's like having a 50 pound weight tied to you. But at least it doesn't effing hurt. Woohoo!!! I've just been laying in bed watching The Golden Girls or YouTube videos. And I'm catching up on my sleep. 


Mom friends, time for a mini rant: it's only the 6th day of school and Jake has already brought home: a yearbook order form, a book sale form, a fundraiser, a school pictures order form, a school planner book order form, and a school shirt order form. Wtf. I am not a fucking money tree. My husband, who isn't used to handling these things, has been getting all these things and looking dumbstruck. My son is in 2nd grade. Why does he need a school day planner? (It was required and $10 and he isn't even allowed to bring it home, so what the hell is the point?) Again, it's the first freaking week. Why are we already taking pictures? And selling yearbooks? Omg, I know I live in Oklahoma, and our schools are so damn sad it's laughable here. But they treat these kids like upgradeable tech that we never can top off. My son seems to be nothing but walking dollar signs. It's sad. 



On the plus side, as a way to boost my self esteem and treat myself, I bought these adorable boots. I wasn't even able to wear shoes until my surgery. I'm looking forward to bring a normal human again.

Today's the day

Pray for me. Wish me luck. Or send me the positive thoughts. Whatever you believe in. They're going to start surgery around 10:30. And God, am I wanronf this. I haven't slept a full night in weeks.


I have everything for my fandom swap ordered. Just waiting on it to arrive. It's going to be an interesting few days. 



Also, my husband bought the Sonic Mania collector's edition. Look how awesome this thing is!

Reading progress update: I've read 111 out of 355 pages.

Goddess of Light - P.C. Cast

Pamela is 30. But she says she isn't young anymore. 




Bite me, woman.



This is an image of roughly what my spine looks like. I don't have an image of my own MRI, but some poor schmo out there on Google happens to suffer from a disc fragment between L5 and s1, too. So I'm borrowing his. The black blotch is with the arrows is the broken piece. The white area is my spinal cord. The white is supposed to stretch completely across the black blotch. I have diminished nerve capacity in my whole right leg, especially weakness in my foot. If I had waited much longer, I was told I may have lost the use of my foot all together. I'm about to undergo a grueling few weeks to months of surgery and healing. But hopefully this awful ride is nearing an end.


I have had to involve the Red Cross to try to get my husband home as I will be doped out of my head for a while. The surgery requires the doctor to literally cut away part of the upper and lower vertebrae and remove the shard of disc. This should return feeling to my foot, but cause me to have bad back pain for weeks. For obvious reasons. I'm scheduled for next Friday. And honestly, I'm so damn excited I can't even be scared. I've been hurting so bad I nearly peed in the shower to avoid sitting on the toilet. Cut me open, Lord Jesus.


Thanks for sticking with me thus far, loyal Chubby readers.

This week...

When you're angry but they don't know you're angry, so you gotta smile and act like everything is fine.



It's been one of those weeks.




So I did some drawings.




Then I got informed my son has head lice. Seriously. Fml. I want a vacation and a lot of alcohol.



Alice in Zombieland

Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

...is stupid.


Will review later. She made my head hurt.