Going to read some of these MM paperbacks I have piled up. This is my physically-read-it book, instead of audiobooking. This series is my least fav Jacques work, but I am determined to finish reading all he did. Only this and one Redwall book left and I'm done with all the books my childhood favorite author wrote.
Even audiobooking at 1.75x speed, this is a slow read. But I'm really enjoying it. I can't imagine being a bisexual back in the 1930s. I wonder what my sister would think of this, being from Rio de Janeiro. I don't think I have ever mentioned my sis have I? She was an exchange student in my home when I was 7. She's from Rio and taught me a little Portuguese. She recently married a lovely woman, and I'm feeling serious similarities between this book and her. Maybe I should find a copy in Portuguese for her. She's my only sibling, and I love her.
So I'm audiobooking this while I work on my son's birthday surprise. He asked for me to make him a cross stitch months ago, so I asked him what he wanted. He said Pokemon, if course. So i showed him different patterns. Here's what he picked.
He thinks I forgot, but I've been working in secret a little every day.
I've gotten more done since this picture but you get the idea.
Anyway this book is interesting. I got it in my very first FairyLoot last May. It's nice to have an original story line in a unique setting. Glad I'm listening because it's using a lot of old Irish language.
Ya'll, I can't even make this shit up anymore. I know you read my posts and think "wtf, either she's cursed or lying". I think I'm cursed.
Just this week:
1. I went to my last dietitian appointment and was told my BMI had gone below the requirement for surgery by .9% and now my whole fucking procedure is in question. Basically "you did TOO well. Who cares if it was you being sick and starving". Am waiting on the nurse and surgeon to decide what to do.
2. Drove 45 minutes to downtown to a mental health clinic. They do intake at 8am, and it's first come first serve. So I got there at 7:30. Waited around until 8:30 only to be told I was being referred out since I "have tricare and [get this shit] not a lot of symptoms." I need a "private" psychiatrist more intune with my needs. NOT ENOUGH SYMPTOMS. I want all of you to really think about that. I was told I WASN'T SICK ENOUGH to get the mental health care I needed. So I had to drive back home and spend the morning calling every single psyche on my insurance to find an opening. Called 9. 2 were busy signals, 6 were flat out No's, and the only one I could get in with isn't until August 1.
3. The icing on the shit cake: my husband said in the meantime just get unusual meds filled to try to tide me over until I get weed or a new shrink. We take my paper scrip to Walmart. They can't fill it. Insurance says I ALREADY filled it somewhere else. Uh...no? They tell me to try my usual pharmacy. They were closed. So I drove over there today. They claim they have my signature on the pickup from May 7th. I paid $33 at 11:57am. NONE of my cards or my bank account show a charge anytime near there for that amount, and I have NO pills at home. There is a 90 day supply of pills floating around somewhere and I don't know where. I've never lost a bottle of pills, and I might be nutty but I'm not prone to amnesia. I did NOT pick this scrip up. So....I am totally fucked right now and can't fill the new scrip until the 13th.
I promise you, everything you read REALLY happens to me. Mallory means "the unfortunate one" and if you think I'm lying, check this:
I've made peace with my decision to leave work. But I also made the choice to return to work after I have bariatric surgery either late next month or early August. My boss is probably the best employer I've ever had, even if the job kicks my ass. He said he would save my position for me, which means he must really think I'm worth it. He also said he just wants me to be healthy.
So after all this happened, I got my second paycheck from him and he had given me a raise. I was so grateful that someone saw potential in me enough to say I can come back when im better and oh, by the way, you got a raise.
He even said he would cut my work days back if need be, so long as I could help him on the weekends. Weekends are a bear. This past Sunday, we broke $2k in sales, and we're only open from 7am to 2pm. By the time we closed up and I was cleaning the floors, my brain had checked out. I was on autopilot. And my feet were angry, but that has just become normal.
So anyway, this coming Sunday is my last day for now. But we're still working well. He high fived me as we left yesterday afternoon. I'm pretty happy now. And with my next paycheck I'm applying for my med card. That will fix so many of my issues.
I wanted to thank you all for the support you have shown me. I really needed to hear it. Sometimes I get so far inside my own head I can't get out without help.
For those wondering, this is my boss: Isn't he something else?
P.S. If you need something to watch, check out This is Dan Bell or The Proper People on YouTube. They explore abandoned places, and omg fascinating. Dan Bell does a series called The Dead Mall Series, and you should really check it out.
I know I haven't been on here much this month, and I'm sorry. It's been a rough time. Where do I even begin?
I've been working for a month now. My first pair of work shoes were terrible, and I would come home in such pain I would cry and hobble around. So i got a new pair of shoes with insoles. That helped some, but my feet still bothered me. Mostly my right foot. It felt broken by the end of my work week. I ended up buying an arch support insole and that fixed the horrible pain. I guess my right foot has a really high arch and constantly standing on hard floors was causing it to collapse.
Well if that wasn't bad enough, my anxiety meds haven't been really working anymore. I've been on the same stuff since 2010, but now the racing thoughts, poor self esteem and sleeplessness are happening even while on my pills. When I get home from work I'm usually so messed up that I can't even eat. I'm missing meals every day, getting nauseous, or just feeling too beat to even think of food. And with my bariatric surgery coming up, I can't be starving myself.
To top it all off, my home life is suffering. I always feel like garbage so I don't do any house work. I'm working all weekend when my husband is home so I never get to go out. And I'm always too sore and tired to get off the couch. I'm in a bad mood every day. And I'm crying hysterically at the smallest things.
I'm a mess.
So, I told my boss I'm finishing the month and I may come back to work after my surgery. But for the time being I need to get myself right. I've had a headache for over a week despite hydration and antibiotics. I'm always so sick to my stomach. And I dread going in ti work, not because I dislike it but because I have such bad anxiety that I constantly wait to be fired or yelled at. It's no way to live.
It's hard to admit you're sick. Especially when it's the kind of sick nobody can see.
Again, I had to find a book that would catch my attention. Something that helps me stay focused when I'm exhausted. Putting aside The Tumbling Turner Sisters for the moment. I won this entire trilogy from Random House on Instagram. 30 pages in and I'm enjoying this. It's set in a unique place and has a nice, folktale feel.
In work news, I've made a great impression. I'm going to start working the kitchen opening to about 2pm. That's a good shift. We open at 6am, and I would be off in plenty of time before my son gets off the bus during school. I just need a foot spa for my aching feet.
That gif is me every time I do something good and get a compliment .