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livingangel84

Mallory Kellogg, Nerdalicious

"The only important thing in a book is the meaning that it has for you."

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Review: Grease Meets Time Traveler's Wife....badly

Timeless - Pamela Diane King

Let me first say that I swear this is JD Scott on the cover:

The Scott Brothers are infiltrating my entire life, I swear.

 

Anyway, boy was this bad. Not bad as in "makes you angry" but bad as in "I got all my inspiration about being a teen from Mean Girls, Grease and bad teen dramas". This book contained every teen stereotype I can imagine. It was a treasure trove of YA tropes. I'm not sure I've ever read one with so many. Let's count, shall we?

 

1. Mary Sue Jessica is the main character. She's a beautiful cheerleader that everyone wants to be. Her parents are rich, she drives a silver convertible, and she lives in SoCal in a mansion. People love her. She's smart. And she is dating the quarterback.

 

2. The mysterious bad-boy Tommy shows up the first day of senior year on a motorcycle. He wear tight white t-shirts. He has a leather jacket. He doesn't talk much and reads classic like Wuthering Heights. He also write poetry.

 

3. The insta-love The very first paragraph of the entire story is Jessica watching Tommy get off his bike and walk into school. And she already wants him and feels connected to him. IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH! By 15 %, she can't get him off her mind, despite never even speaking to him. Their first conversation is him practically stalking her to tell her he's drawn to her and that they share a connection. They're in LURVE.

 

4. The misunderstood girl Jessica is the most popular girl in school but doesn't like it. She actually hates being a cheerleader. She wants to write poetry in her room alone. She wants to be an actress. But she has to fake who she is because it's expected of her.

 

5. The mean girls Jessica's former friends (by the end of the book) are your typical mean girls. They hate everyone and every thing just because they can. Because everything is beneath them. Even Jessica. They kept her as a friend just to have the "enemy" close. They're snooty, bitchy and vain. And they turn on Jess the second to dumps her super-jock boyfriend.

 

6. The quarterback Yes, Jessica dated the quarterback. And he's exactly what any teen drama would define as a quarterback: shallow, vain, self-centered, rich, self-involved and a narcissus. He hates Tommy the second the biker boy casts eyes on his girl. He spreads vicious rumors about the new guy, and even gets him expelled just because he can. You're supposed to hate him because he's the bad guy, and you do. But it's one of those shallow hates that leaves you wondering WHY the kid is so hateful and screwy. There's no psychology behind it except that "Jess is MY girl".

 

7. The Danny Zuko Jess is obsessed with the Fifties. And Grease. She listens to the soundtrack over and over, owns a Pink Ladies jacket and actually jams to Elvis on her way to school. It just so happens new biker boy Tommy looks exactly like Danny from Grease, so she of course can't help but ogle him. Seriously, if the book said "just like Grease" one more time, I would have barfed. It was over-the-top ridiculous. I know most girls love Grease, but I don't know very many modern girls that jam to Elvis Presley on their daily commute.

 

8. The parents Her parents. OMG. Her mother is a brain-dead baking queen that even told her daughter she'd been in love with someone else but married Jess' father instead. A good mother would never impart her troubles on her daughter. Her father is a royal douche in his own right. He hates Tommy on sight just because he "looks" bad. So every time Tommy shows his face, her father loses his mind like a Neanderthal. Dad is never home, and mom really doesn't care too much about what happens in the house. Your typical YA parents.

 

And this list doesn't even begin to touch the long list of problems with the writing. There were missing words, missing commas, and the dialogue was so stilted and forced it felt like sometimes the characters were reciting their words off a piece of paper rather than speaking like a bunch of normal people.

 

The revelation at the end that

[spoiler]Tommy is a time traveler was so obvious that it could have smacked the dumbest reader in the face in chapter 3. Jess always said he "looked like he was from another time". Not to mention his lack of knowing about modern things. And his bike that's from the 50's. And his greased-back hair. Like, geez, people. And Jess doesn't even really blink when he says his big secret. She just accepts it and goes about her lovesick way. [/spoiler]

The ending was dumb. The whole book was rushed and shallow. There was no depth to any of the characters. They were all cookie-cutter. All what you EXPECT to see in high school. This book was like someone cut The Time Traveler's Wife met Grease....badly.