Mango's liver finally shut down. I made the toughest decision a cat lover can make and had him put down. His doctor said I did all I could and that he had a great home for this one month I had him. I held him while he passed. And I cried all the way home. That's 3 cats in a month that I have lost to illness, 2 of which were mysteries. When you have your pet put to sleep, you carry a sense of guilt with you, even if it was clearly the right choice. But I could help the feeling of why. I wanted to turn around, run back to the vet and scream at Mango to wake up and forgive me. I know he isn't suffering now, but I am. I love all my animals fiercely and loss feels like a knife in my heart. I'm going to miss this big, clumsy boy.